So a universe crossing cat walks into an evil lair
by the little french lady
Summary: If you take one Mary-sue story and cross it with another what do you get?  You get this, the story of a girl that goes to the Naruto world in the body of a cat and gets adopted by the Akatsuki.  Well someone had to do it.
1. What happens when you procrastinate

**I don't own Naruto, if I did it would not be nearly as confusing.**

To say that I was pissed would be an understatement.

It would be one thing if I was wet and cold, it would be another if I was wet, cold, and _naked_! But no, I was wet cold, naked, a fucking _cat_, and didn't have any idea of were the hell I was!

I was fine, lived a happy somewhat normal life. I'd go to school, hate my relatives, spend hours on the internet, and contemplate the mysteries of the universe with my poster the hottest man alive, L.

What, don't give me that look, I know he's not real and died in the series, but fictional character will always be alive in the harts and soles of there fans.

Well anyway, your probably wondering what happened, I am too. There I was in the shower, enjoying the warm, soothing water (not that way you perverts) when the power went out.

I don't know if that's ever happened to you, but it sucks. For one thing a power out always sucks, and secondly, it means you have to get out. That when I turn off the water, grab for my towel, and promptly fell and hit my head on the side of the tub.

In retrospect I should have gotten out first, but I can't go back and change it now.

When I get up I'm on the side of a rode, it's raining, and I'm a cat. I realize that it's most likely that this is my minds own delusion and that I'll wake up soon or die form blood loss. However, something in my gut that I'm not that lucky, sure enough I hear a very annoying voice scream out perhaps the worst possible thing I will ever hear.

"Oh, look Deidara sempi, a cat.! Can I keep it?"

"No, un."

"Pleaseeeeeeeeeee!"

"You can keep it if you promise to shut up for ten minutes!"

"Yay!"

I now know that this is not my mind's delusion because if I was going to put my self in a anime, it would be Death Note. Plus, if I were going to put my self in Naruto, which if it were just that I would be willing to believe it, I would not have myself found by Tobi of all people, because I don't hate myself that much, I don't think anyone has that much self loathing.

He's coming to pick me up, I want to resist, I really do, but I just don't seem to have the energy. I didn't realize until now how tired I was, maybe I should just play dea, oh who am I kidding, the guys a ninja, he'll know I'm faking.

There talking, but I can't hear what there saying, which is wired, because there right next to me. Why can't I, oh right, that concussion, I must still have it, well that just concretes the fact that I'm not hallucinating, if I was then I wouldn't still be injured.

Oh, the world going black, I feel like I'm forgetting something. It something important, I just know it, but for the life of me I can't remember. Ah it'll come to me, if I, no, when I get up.

I can just see my best friend now, being the mother hen that she is, scolding me.

"Honestly Alice, you should have done your homework first, just look where your procrastination has gotten you."

Wait, I just realized, I don't have to do my homework! I'm so happy I'm oozing with joy. Or is it blood, doesn't matter, I just past out.

My name is Alice Fur, I'm a cat, in a fictional universe, being rescued by the most annoying evil mastermind ever, most likely being taken to a cave with a bunch of crazy people, and I may or may not be dying.

Well, at least I can say that I had a lot of interesting throw at my life before it ended.


	2. Death never looked so good

**I don't own Naruto.**

* * *

><p>Hello people in my head that I talk to so that I don't go completely insane. I know we got off to a ruff start with the whole me not introducing myself properly, so I'm going to talk a bit about myself. I realize that this is completely unnecessary as you are figments of my imagination and therefore you know everything about me, but being unconscious is boring so I'm going to do it anyway.<p>

Firstly my name is Alice Fur, yes Fur, and no I have no idea how that name came about, my guess is my ansesters pissed off the guy in-charged of that stuff. I suppose that I should be grateful that I avoided the family tradition of being named after animals, like my sister Lemur, in favor of the fact that my mother wanted her first daughter to be named after her childhood hero. She told me it had nothing to do with Alice in Wonder Land, but that didn't stop the jokes, although I kind of asked for it.

I have a lose curl to my hair, it's there, but's soft and it's red-ish, no, more like a dark Burgoyne, you know, that color that everyone think rust looks like before they actually see rust. I have green eyes, not bright green or vivid green or even pale green, just green, which suck, because you can't say anything poetic about just green. I'm whit with normal skin, as in not tan but not pale, with the only thing worth mentioning is my tattoo between my thumb and index fingers on the top of my hand. It's a tribute to my favorite character, a small graphical L. Best birthday present ever!

...

I just realized that last sentence could be seen as a pun.

-_-"

Now that we got threw the boring description of what I look like that you will promptly ignore because you don't want to do that much reading and will probably just make up your idea of what I look like. Don't worry, it's what I would do, just don't feel bad when I don't talk to anymore when you fail the quiz latter. Anyway were was I? Oh, right. Let's talk about my life and how I act, that way your not to suprized by how crazy I am. It would be my luck that the voices in my head are saner then I am.

No that was not just a confession of being completely nuts, I know that the voices in my head aren't real and are just creations of my mind. That's the big diffident between crazy and creative, knowing that there not real.

Anyway about me. I'm eighteen, going to be nineteen soon, and I am the inbodyment of the word "weirdo". I actually like to be alone, which has nothing to do with the fact that I'm bad at socializing, I like all kinds of art, except that "conversational art", I'm supper smart, unnaturally quit in everything I do, and my or my not like to stalk people a little, not because I'm a pervert or any thing, I don't get cameras or anything extreme like that, it's more like I take eavesdropping to the next level. Oh, and I might have kleptomania, were not sure. My therapist agrees that it's not done for metrical gain, but it ties into my need to find out as much about people as possible without them knowing, as it's always notebooks, novels, and other such things that tell you a lot about a person that isn't eminently observable.

My life is mostly lived online, no social networking, I always found that stupid, but places like , Deviant Art, YouTube(mostly abridged series), and TGWTG. At school I'm loved by the teachers and avoided by the students. I got away with not being bullied because one time a kid tried to cut off my hair I broke both her arms, punctured a lung, somehow made her unable to have children, and my or my not have scared her for life by saying that if she ever tried that agian that I would have no choice but to use the Higurashi torcher tequinec. The kids in my art classes and in art club sort of get me, but I only have one real freined, my best freind, Heather. I have no idea how we became friends, no wait, she picked me as her subject for her phyc class and she became my unofficial therapist. It sort of just happened after that.

Now for the home situation.

My mom's never home, my dad's home to much(i.e. can't get a job), and my sister is an emo. No, seriously, she's emo. I can't exactly blame her, with a name like Lemur Fur she's more mess up then I am. But seriously, EMO. Don't get me wrong, I love my family, but I hate them to.

I know what your thinking,"Now she's going to give off a list of her punk attire.", actual my wardrobe consist of mostly black or gray sweat pants and tee shirts ranging to fluffy girly to death metal. I have one hoddy, my "trade mark", black with a white L on the back. My outside covering is a black trench cote. The most noticeable thing is my rainbow checkered backpack with exactly a hundred and twelve buttons.

What! I said I was weird.

Now that was fun. And would you look at that, I'm waking up, now I'll be into much pain to be bored.

Yay.

* * *

><p>I can't belive I'm stuck with a cat.<p>

Deidara and I were returning from a mission when we had come across it on the road. If I was alone I would have just left it, but I was with Deidara, and Deidara knows Tobi to well to expect him not to do anything.

Sometimes I wish I had gone with a less childish persona.

I do kinda fell bad for it though. It seems like someone bashed in the back of its skull without bothering to make sure it was dead, which is just cruel, cause given the state that its in, God knows how much pain it's in.

So I had to take it back to the hideout and heal it up, all while having to pretend that this was the worst thing to ever befall the world.

At lest it stopped bleeding, and besides the skull fracture it's in perfect health, so I should be able to let it loose soon.

* * *

><p>Oh God Kill Me Now! No, really, someone kill me now! I am experiencing the worst headache to ever befall a living creature ever! No greater pain will ever exist!<p>

"Yay! Kitty-chan is alright!"

OH SWEAT HOLY MOTHER OF KAMI! I was wrong! Horribly, Horribly, **Wrong**!

That voice! It's high pitched, way to happy, and so God dame loud!

"I'm so happy I think I'll sing!"

Oh no.

No.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no,no,no,no, NO, NO,** NO!**

"Oh cattia, Oh cattia!"

Oh it's even worse then I thought it would be.

Must escape. Must smash head into wall. Must find way to kill ninja while in cat body. Come on, let go of me already! What the hell is wrong with you, I'm already drawing blood in my despite clawing at your arm to escape.

" Hey Tobi, I think you should let the cat go. It look like your torturing the thing, un."

YES! Listen to the blond haired effeminate pyromaniac you evil man child! I need to bash my skull-in until I no longer fell pain or until I'm dead, which ever one comes first.

"You think so sempi? Kitty dose seem to want to play."

Oh thank you sweet Kami.

" I'll let her go after I introduce her to every one!"

Maybe if I bite hard enough I can chew off my own leg I and use my blood to slip out of his grip.


End file.
